Monday, December 26, 2011

What's your number?

I watched Tyra Banks' show a year ago and she had a guest, Glynis McCants, who explained about Life Paths. It was quite interesting to see what factor affects of people based on the day they were born. The Life Path Number is computed by adding all the numbers on a person's birthdate until you end up with a number from 1 to 9.

I drew up my family's and I got:

Mom - 1
Sibling - 6
Me - 8
Dad - 9

I briefly reflected on this and truth be told, it really made sense. It helped me understand my family a little better. But we still have to remember that each person has a life path and it is no more unique that zodiac signs or blood types.

Whatever number repeatedly identifies itself in our lives are only, for a lack of better word, signs.  I for one always keep seeing 5 around me and I treat it as a reminder that I need a little adventure in my life.

We are not our parents.

There are prejudices that we have, some we acknowledge and some we aren't even aware of.

I have a relative that has gained popularity for the wrong reasons. Misunderstandings happened and money, trust and peace all went down the drain. It was a pretty hard hit in our family financially but we were still together. I couldn't say the same for that person's family. Once what was an abundant home became a war zone with two children growing up in the crossfire of their parents. The relationship I had wasn't one that merited any awards. I was a niece, wary but polite to her Tito. When the relationship decayed, there was an unwarranted feeling, something close to hatred or anger. Well, it was neither, but there was never really a reason or impression of good faith on my part. I ended up looking at a person just as that, a person.

Lately I realized that a person isn't just a person, a person is also a set of relationships.

It has been almost 5 years since I've seen the family of my relative. And I was taken aback by how much time has molded them without me knowing it. And as I looked into the eyes of the children, I realized I shouldn't be displacing my feelings towards their father to them. His mistakes aren't their mistakes.

My prejudice has made me a little blind.

I once saw in Oprah an interview with Maya Angelou. Maya said, let your eyes light up when the children walk into the room. And I have always taken those words to heart. And when I saw those children, I remembered Maya's words.

And so I continue living today, a little aghast by my judgmental behavior. I have seen my fault and would like to see other people as more than what I see, that there are relationships to them, but it should not taint or disturb how I would see them as well.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

There are those little things.


The way you look at me.
How you'd laugh at the 

The smallest things become big things when you're in love

And then you'd name would pop up in my screen and I could almost hear your voice.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Happiness Is

There is a series of books from Snoopy about Happiness.

It's a list of things that, well, we would commonly experience but undoubtedly bring happiness to us. One of my favorite bloggers, Anna Oposa ( wrote her own list of 'things of happiness'. And I'm making an updated version of mine.

1. Long hot bath, preferably in a tub

There's nothing like the sound of silence

2. Chocolate Fudge Cookies (from Evert's Desserts)
Chewy goodness in the middle of chocolate.

3.Marks and Spencer's White Peach and Almond Body Wash
Beautiful pearl peach color with scent that leave your skin smelling delicious.

4. Real honest to goodness Peaches
Soft flesh with unparalleled peach smell that can only come from an actual peach.

5. High grade Medium-Rare Yakiniku

6. Head massages

There is nothing more stimulating and sensual than a massage straight to the head.

7. Egg plant parmigianna and Penne from T.O.S.H

8. Ravioli

9. Stars

10. A gentle breeze as you drive by on a cloudy afternoon

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Self-celebrating Birthdays

As children, we often found ourselves in squirmish situations. You were asked to lead the prayer, or to dance in front, or to play the piano in front of people. Those were times when immediately after we perform, we scatter in humiliation and feelings of inadequacy.

And for many, many years, I felt the same about celebrating my birthday.

Birthdays felt like a circus performance. You were the main exhibition at a country fair. It wasn't because of feelings of vulnerability. It was because I didn't think I was a big deal, that I deserved to be celebrated. Yes, there were elements of shyness involved, but that in itself is a product of lack of self-worth and self-appreciation.

There were times I would like to celebrate by providing for others, bringing them pizza or inviting them over at home, but it would always be only for my classmates for the former and the very few for the latter. I was a private person as a child, and I still am, but lately I realized I no longer felt I need to hide the fact it's my birthday, on my birthday.

When did this start to happen?

That, is something gradual. I learned to appreciate myself more and not to be too hard on myself. And along the way, I finally accepted to celebrate me. I deserve attention, I deserve happiness. And so on my birthday, I found a feeling of utter happiness. Of course part of that happiness is gifts, but a bigger part of it is from loving oneself.

To celebrate a birthday, is to celebrate that happiness of being in their life.
To celebrate a birthday, is to congratulate those parents each year for having you.
To celebrate a birthday, is to recognize that you deserve to be celebrated.

You don't have to throw a big party, or pay for everything.
You just have to sincerely celebrate yourself.