I write to you hoping that we can enjoy each other’s company more than we do now.
I understand that you want the best for me. I always try to keep that in mind whenever I have inklings of rebelliousness. Although you never admit how lucky you are that I am not an addict, a drunk, a dropout, a young mother, a gambler, a smoker in no particular order; but please realize that I have made your lives easier by not being any of the above. And that I always choose to be beside you even when I feel so very achingly lonely right by your side. How lonely it feels, no warmth and love from the only persons I have been vulnerable to all my life. I will never regret choosing you over friends, over an alternate future, over torrid love affairs, over freedom, over a simpler life. I chose a bigger dream, the one that you want and built for me. Maybe because I don't know what I want years from now. Or maybe because I still don't have a bigger dream of my own. It is a lonely path I walk but I am here because I still think you need me to be there. And I want to be there because each day that passes by is a day closer to a darker world where you are not. A place I am afraid that is a much colder, lonelier place. I have never asked in my entire life for you to baby me. In your own way I know you do, in things that matter most. I grew up righteous, smart, intelligent and loyal because those are things I saw growing up in our house. I have my inadequacies and I know them much more than you do. Believe me. I know I will never be like you, I am my own person and I wish you’d remember that I am also your daughter. I don’t want to walk away, being here is proof that I am not one to give up so easily. But please, remember, I am still your daughter.
And I want to feel like a daughter again.
"I fall off a cliff to a bed laiden with my shattered and battered heart."