Self-celebrating Birthdays

As children, we often found ourselves in squirmish situations. You were asked to lead the prayer, or to dance in front, or to play the piano in front of people. Those were times when immediately after we perform, we scatter in humiliation and feelings of inadequacy.

And for many, many years, I felt the same about celebrating my birthday.

Birthdays felt like a circus performance. You were the main exhibition at a country fair. It wasn't because of feelings of vulnerability. It was because I didn't think I was a big deal, that I deserved to be celebrated. Yes, there were elements of shyness involved, but that in itself is a product of lack of self-worth and self-appreciation.

There were times I would like to celebrate by providing for others, bringing them pizza or inviting them over at home, but it would always be only for my classmates for the former and the very few for the latter. I was a private person as a child, and I still am, but lately I realized I no longer felt I need to hide the fact it's my birthday, on my birthday.

When did this start to happen?

That, is something gradual. I learned to appreciate myself more and not to be too hard on myself. And along the way, I finally accepted to celebrate me. I deserve attention, I deserve happiness. And so on my birthday, I found a feeling of utter happiness. Of course part of that happiness is gifts, but a bigger part of it is from loving oneself.

To celebrate a birthday, is to celebrate that happiness of being in their life.
To celebrate a birthday, is to congratulate those parents each year for having you.
To celebrate a birthday, is to recognize that you deserve to be celebrated.

You don't have to throw a big party, or pay for everything.
You just have to sincerely celebrate yourself.