Does he really like us? Is she really interested in me? As a person? As a friend? A real friend?
Yes, it has crossed your mind. Don't deny it.
It's a terrible feeling to doubt friendships. But it is equally painful to feel unneeded, uncared for, unimportant - enough to question the sincerity of that "of course, we should go out". It's not that we're not friends, not like our world's going to turn upside down if they're not there anymore. So are you friends anyway?
Society dictates what is perceived to be normal polite behavior, but deep inside, we don't feel anything special, that bond everyone's so keen about. There's that maybe moments when for a flicker of a nanosecond you truly madly deeply believe in your heart you're friends. Then, the following moment onward you return to regular programming. When left to rot in your own aloneness, you remember that minuscule fragment of time with a magnifying lens as big as the ones used in NASA - yes, it's pretty damned big, and get confused.
For some, it's that time factor, that we've been friends with this person for-e-vah that dictates to us we should stay friends. Others may see it as easy. He's there.. all, the, time. There's also the popular now you see him, now you don't.
It's frustrating. I know it, you know it.
We're not wrong to feel this way, it's a feeling. It passes, like gas. But it is uncomfortable. Try to remember:
One day, and again on another day, we'll look at ourselves in the mirror and say, you bitch.
Yes, you're someone's bitch friend too.
And so, have faith instead - in the good, in the awesome, in the natural selection process of your heart. If it's a source of mundane stress - usually self-inflicted and don't even deny it - then get a hobby, just stop sulking because there's nothing happening. Ask yourself, have you had coffee together just because?
It's not only "be the change you want to see in the world", but also, "be the change you want to see in your world."
Brave the cold road less traveled.
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